Where the Hell Are All the Killer Mini-Black Holes??

Well, aside from the Indian girl who drank pesticide to avoid the Big Bang, it looks like Mr. Hadron's crazy Frankenstein-asploder machine didn't kill us all, after all. How disappointing. I was sort of hoping to get out of my German quiz at 3:15.

EDIT:

Ah, my good friend Josh provides the following helpful explanation for the delay of Armageddon:

The Large Hadron Collider was turned on last night and the first beam was fired this morning. Pretty exciting stuff. But for all of you who were wishing for an apocalypse, don't fret! That's only supposed to theoretically happen once the opposing particles collide and explode, which won't happen until weeks from now. They've got to circle around first for awhile and build energy.

So if you have "End of the World" written into your daily planner for today, just scribble it out and mark it for about 5 or 6 weeks from now.

Until then, if you just need more confirmation that we're all still alive, then look no further than here:

http://www.hasthelargehadroncolliderdestroyedtheworldyet.com/

Apparently reports of the Four Horsemen's untimely demise were greatly exaggerated. Enjoy your last 5 weeks of potato chips and Gossip Girl re-runs, America.